One of my early professional goals as a therapist has been to feel increasingly calm and confident with my clients. I knew it was typical to feel nervous with your first couple of clients – internal questions spinning rampantly: Do they think I’m too young? Are they going to ask how much experience I have? Am I appearing at least a little bit like I know what I am doing? More difficult than that might have been the comparison to my fellow cohort members and supervisees who I feared were leagues ahead of me in confidence and competency.
But as the years have gone by, and as I’ve gained more composure and comfort with seeing clients, there is still the nagging feeling which comes up from time to time that I’m a fraud. Maybe after a couple’s session that ended with anger and pain still in the air. Or a parent who calls and says their frustrated with the lack of progress they see in their child. Or a client who no shows and never comes back. It’s these moments where the question creeps back in – Am I actually helping anyone?
It’s a gross feeling to have. It leaves a terrible aftertaste. And left unchecked, it can spiral into a thousand heavier questions and discouraging feelings. I often find myself wanting to avoid it altogether. But, like any feeling we have, maybe it could be a friend?
Something I read in Dr. Robert Wick’s The Inner Life of the Counselor has been helping me befriend this feeling, rather than push it down:
It is alright at times to feel like a charlatan as a counselor. When we never feel that way, that’s when it becomes dangers. As a matter of fact, when one goes deeper into oneself, feelings of inauthenticity should surface, because while we see the right concept or goal, we recognize we are still far from living it. (Emphasis added)
With this in mind, how might our imposter syndrome be a friend, even an ally in our life and growth as a therapist?
It’s Authentic
Authenticity is a core component of therapy, as it is a core component of change. If we push away or avoid the gross feelings we have, we handicap ourselves from what that feeling is saying of our experience. We become inauthentic with ourselves and detach from the reality of who we are. On the other hand, when we lean into that gross feeling and choose to actually feel it, we re-attach to our true experience, our true personhood, as messy as it may be. And being in the messiness is key.
It’s our growth nerve
Like the nerves in our body that tell us something is wrong, imposter syndrome alerts us to something emotionally and potentially professionally being off. Often, the first thought is I am not a good therapist and the feeling that follows might be shame or guilt. Those are not feelings we like to stay with. But if we do, if we sit down with a warm cup of coffee and ask what’s really going on, what we find can be enlightening. Shame might tell us, I’m worried that I am not good enough. I’m scared I am letting someone down and that the problem is me. It is terribly difficult to feel this way, and it is a vital signal of what we need emotionally. We need reassurance and encouragement. We need to know at a fundamental level there is not something wrong with us.
It lights a way forward
When we face our dark and heavy feelings, they teach us what we need. And when we know what we need, we have direction forward. Once the emotional block is out of the way, we can more clearly and objectively examine what we may need professionally. Maybe we can learn to accept that not all sessions end with happy feelings and be more present to the difficult ones. Maybe we can communicate expectations more clearly with parents about what progress looks like. There is always something new to learn and grow in competency about and imposter syndrome may help us locate exactly what that might be.
Whatever the direction might be, imposter syndrome signals to us the growth edges we can explore that might lead to our emotional and professional development. It, along with all our feelings, is a friend and vital ally. So, the next time you start to feel that gross feeling, take a breath, invite it in, and listen as one who listens to a dear friend.
Further Resources:
If you want to explore more perspectives on imposter syndrome, check out this helpful TedTalk: