Unfortunately, finding a good therapist for yourself can be difficult. I’ve experienced this myself. Whether it’s locating someone in network or meeting with someone who just gets you, it can become frustrating looking for good help. Especially when you are in need. Here are some things I’ve found to be helpful in looking for my own therapist:
Identify your “why”
To begin, it’s helpful looking inward. If you understand why you are looking for help you can more easily gauge whether you are making progress when you start meeting with a therapist. Here’s some questions you might ask yourself:
- What feels off in life for me right now?
- If I were to feel better about life in a year’s time, what exactly would look different?
- How might my morning, daytime, evening look different?
- How might my relationships look different?
- Is there something I am wanting that I’m not getting or experiencing?
- What emotions am I typically feeling?
- How do I feel about these emotions?
Side note: as a therapist, talking about goals is one of the first things I do with my clients. I find that those who already have an idea of what’s not right or what they are wanting often experience the therapy process as more rewarding.
Attune to what you need
Everyone comes into therapy at a different place emotionally and it’s important to understand where you are. If you recently experienced a loss or a significant trauma, you might be feeling emotionally raw and could use someone who would gently and warmly sit with you in that. Or maybe you are feeling driven about your work goals but are feeling stuck, you might benefit from someone who can match your energy and passion as you work together.
Point being: every therapist offers a different sort of presence, and it can be helpful to find one that matches where you are at. Several years ago, I was looking for a therapist at an emotionally raw time in my life and found myself jumping from one to another. I didn’t know exactly why until I finally met with someone who sat with me in my emotion rather than looking for solutions and strategies. I needed that then, and it made all the difference.
Consider a friend or family member that you feel comfortable talking about life with. What about them draws out your experience? On the other side, maybe you haven’t experienced that with friends and family, what do you think would help draw you out more?
Look for specialties/niches
There are a whole host of specialties and niches that therapists hold. Finding a therapist with a particular niche that is relevant to you could help as they would have a deeper knowledge and understanding about your specific situation. Here’s a brief list to consider:
- Art therapy
- Couples therapy
- Family therapy
- Play therapy
- Equine therapy
- Dance therapy
- Sandplay therapy
- Grief therapy
- Sex therapy
- Trauma focused
- Eating disorders
- Mindfulness-based
- Religion-based
- Gamer community
If you don’t find one that applies to you, look it up. You might be surprised to find how many specialties therapists have.
Consider cost
The cost of therapy is a major barrier for many and something I have also experienced. If you have insurance, the first step to understanding what you can expect to pay is to contact your insurance provider directly. There is often a customer service phone number on the back of your insurance card. Also, if you want to do couples or family therapy you want to make sure to ask if that is specifically covered.
If you are employed, you can ask your employer if they offer an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) which could reduce the cost of your appointments or completely cover a set number.
If you do not have insurance, you can still pay out of pocket for sessions. The rate depends on who you are seeing but I have seen as low as completely free for a community walk in clinic and as high as $300 for an experienced private practice therapist. The median, however, tends to be around $85-120. Some therapists offer a sliding fee scale which could help reduce costs and would be worth asking about. Also, some mental health organizations that employ practicum students may offer a reduced rate to see them.
Therapy is a relationship
Research has shown that the number one factor that affects your experience of therapy is the relationship you have with your therapist. You could find someone that checks all your boxes but if you are not able to trust them due to how you experience them in relationship, real and positive change will be difficult. The opposite can be true as well.
Trust takes time to develop. What you can do to help this process along is to be direct and honest with your therapist:
- If there is something they say that bothers you, bring it up.
- If it feels like you are getting off track, say something.
- If it seems like your therapist is not understanding or attuning rightly to what you are saying or feeling, they need to know.
A good therapist will warmly welcome any and all feedback because they want to build that trust with you as well. A bad therapist will respond poorly to your feedback which is unfortunate, but it can also help you understand more quickly if that therapeutic relationship is really a good fit for you.
For a deeper dive into the importance of the therapeutic relationship, check out this article.
Where to look
With all these considerations in mind, where should you begin looking? Psychology Today has a wonderful data base of therapists in the U.S. that can be filtered to match many specifications such as issues you want to be seen for, insurance, location etc. I recommend you start here and explore profiles to see if any seem like a good fit.
You could also seek out more personal referrals from friends, family, your primary care provider, and any other trusted source.
Finding the right therapist for you can feel daunting, confusing, and frustrating at times. It can be especially difficult if you had a particularly negative experience with a therapist before. At the end of the day, though, your healing and growth is worth investing in. You are worth investing in. And there are therapists who strongly believe that as well. It may just take some effort to find the right one.